Shame on me.

I've been so bad lately. :c Not posting anything. But soon this situation will be rectified, for I will grace your eyes with every finished and unfinished song I have ever written. Huzzah. I also have an idea for a short story which I'd like to actually have done in the not too distant future which I can hopefully share with you guys. It's about a cat. Meow. And will be written in first person and the main character is a girl, so that'll be a fun challenge. Hopefully I can get cracking soon. If anything, I will do some extensive story writing over the summer to make up for all this. Until then, try to think of one positive thing about your life at the beginning and end of every day. It'll probably make you a bit happier.

Red-haired inspiration.

Tracy, Tracy, Tracy. Where do I even start? I suppose I should "begin at the beginning and go on till I come to the end: then stop."

I remember when this lady came in to help with the play, and I thought, "great, there's another one." But I figured it wouldn't be much of a problem because I was gonna do this little part and then be done with this stupid class. So she tells us to read through the script and find a part to sign up for. I looked for the shortest and most unimportant part and signed up for it. But this lady, she tells me I'm gonna do a different part. I get a whole scene between me and another person. And I'm supposed to sit there and talk for half the time. qwsfjhsdfg what? I don't think so. That just made me dislike this class even more.
But as time went on, it got less terrible. I actually started to like this whole drama thing. I rehearsed my lines every day in the shower. I started to get excited for the play. Ew. What was happening to me? This crazy lady walked up in our class room and made me interested in this "being on stage" nonsense. But then came the opening night. And I was beyond nervous. I realllllly didn't wanna go out there in front of people and say stuff. Public speaking was not my forte. But once I actually stepped on the stage I realized I couldn't really see anyone anyway. The lights were so bright. And all I had to do was look at Sam and talk to her for most of the time. And then I did it and it was fine. And I actually enjoyed it. I looked forward to out next play. And ever since then I have always looked forward to the next play we would do. And I was pissed that I couldn't be in Drama again the next year. But then they had Drama II and I was dying to be in it. Somehow I ended up really enjoying it. And it was because of this crazy lady that made me do a part I really didn't wanna do. I learned to try something to see if I like it before saying, "yeah, I definitely don't like that." I've learned a lot from her. And I know we may disagree on some things and have fun discussions about whatever but that doesn't change the fact that she has taught me (and many others) so much. She's really done so much for this community and the students, parents, and many random people living in this town appreciate everything she has done. But for some reason the ridiculous school doesn't appreciate you. It's probably because they're all greedy and want more money for themselves and honestly care less what the students and community wants, which is completely unacceptable. Your talents are wasted every day that you're not creating something, or painting a stage, or directing a play, or using your imagination to promote and share creativity with other people. You've really been an inspiration and a great teacher to every one of your students. And you've been more than a teacher. You've been a friend. From bringing people cake on their birthday to spending extra time hanging around the auditorium waiting for kids to get picked up by their parents. From spending out of pocket money on the plays to make them as good as they should be to always offering personal assistance to any person who might need it. You've really changed so much in this community and made it much better than I've ever seen it. Your contributions and effect on this community will not soon be forgotten.
And we can't forget Mr. Hall, of course. Also spending long hours of his free time working on making the sets, lights, and sounds, and making all of our plays what they were. Sitting in the art room while us teenagers babbled on about random nonsense. Always mentioning the "proverbial wrist slap." And most importantly impacting the lives of tons of people by introducing art into their lives as a creative medium alongside Tracy. You both have improved that school more than you know, and for that we all appreciate and thank you.

Ambivalent.

I learned a new word today. Ambivalent. I think I've heard it before but never knew what it meant. What it means is: having mixed feelings about someone or something; being unable to choose between two (usually opposing) courses of action. This really describes me at the moment. 
I think I'm doing one of those "college student" things where I reconsider my entire future. I thought the lawyer thing was for sure, but now...I'm totally rethinking it. I wanna do something more fun and interesting and special with my life. I feel like the child inside me just woke up from a long nap, crawled into my brain, and scribbled all over the "what you want to do with your future" control panel with crayons. I have so many ideas running though my head; it's crazy. Should I stick to what I had originally planned on doing? I mean, I suppose a lawyer could be fun if I actually make it fun. But how do you just make lawyering fun? It seems like hours upon hours of continuous work that will leave me with no free time. I wish I knew a lawyer that could give me advice on some of this.

But I'm sure it'll pass. After all, college students apparently change their major an average of two times anyway, right?

life, y u no give me talents?

I feel really dull.
Like...I don't do anything cool. All my friends have some sort of useful/interesting/impressive talent, but I kinda got left out with life was dishing out all the good stuff. Everyone either has a fantastic voice, or they can draw really well, or they are super smart, or something. I wish I could sing or draw or comprehend math (seriously, life, understanding any concept of math would have been great) but I've really got nothing special going on. I'm pretty average. And average is lame. I wanna do something special, or great, or awesome in some way.
You know, I'd really like to be a comedian. More than you know. I love to make people laugh. Telling a joke and seeing someone smile...that's just fantastic. That's probably why I'm spitting out a joke or being sarcastic every five seconds and why I play off of people like Katherine and Becka so well. It's awesome to sit there and joke about random whatever for an hour and just crack up about it, or tell some sort of ridiculously sarcastic story and make people laugh. But alas, "making people laugh" has zero job security. It's one of those things you can't master in in college, and you can't really just go out and try it. To be as big as people like Adam Sandler and Chris Rock takes luck more than anything, and it's not like I have an copious amount of that either. Le sigh. I'm reconsidering the whole lawyer thing. It sounds less exciting the more I hear about it. Sociologist would be fun but I don't really wanna be an underpaid teacher. Or a teacher at all.
Maybe I should do an English major and try to write a book. I'd like to do that, too, but it's another one of those things where you either make it or break it. I plan to write a book some day, but I doubt it'd be my main job plan because of the not having any guarantee of a job or money thing. If only I could sing. I seem to not have a problem with writing songs, but I don't really have the voice for it. Can you take voice lessons to make yourself sound better? I should look into that. And now I'm rambling.

On a random note, I finally found out my screen's resolution today. 1776 x 1000. Yeah, that's big. My friend was impressed. -suggestive wink-

And hmm, I feel slightly better after writing this. Maybe this will be good for me. /satisfied

necessary introduction.

If you are reading this then you probably already know me, but I'm Jason.
I feel kinda lame for doing this, but I suppose I can muster up some legitimate reasons.
The first would be to improve my writing. I do like to write, but after reading Hannah's blog and realizing that I could seriously improve my descriptive skills, I felt like a blog could help. Even if I am just writing to myself. I'm also really lazy when it comes to writing, and I'm hoping this could help that, too. I've got plans for two very different books plus a ton of random character ideas lurking in my brain, but when it comes to getting them written down I kinda suck at actually doing it.
The second would be to rant. I do that quite often and it's probably better to spew crap here than in public.
The third would be because it seems fun. And that's the most important, right?

Anyway, people are probably wondering wtf phenomental means. It's pronounced fen (as in fence) - oh - mental. Simple. It's a combination of the words phenomenal (which is a word I really like) and mental. I believe everyone has a chance to be phenomenal in their own way, but you've also gotta be slightly crazy. All phenomenal people have been in one way or another. I hope I can one day call myself phenomenal.

If you can't already tell, I feel really tacky doing this. I just feel like such a teenager. But I've convinced myself it will be good for me.

And I think that's it.